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Friday, June 19, 2015

Livin La Vida something

Still enjoying the new apartment. For the first time like ever, I've been getting out a little and going for walks.  Oh, did I forget to mention that I'm behind a big Imax theater? Yep. Would like to use it as enticement to get outside, but that doesn't work well since going to the movies is expensive. I did manage to go see the Entourage movie, LOVED it. Then again I was a big fan of the series.

Not really a lot going on.

I have until November to lose 60+ pounds or my doc is going to stop my pain meds. I'm at a weight right now, that it's beginning to impede my mobility. Been watching everything I eat, trying to exercise more and now currently have.......GAINED 10 pounds. Yeah, not good. The weight just won't go away and I'm now having bouts of hypoglycemia. I get to go play pin cushion so I can get a bunch of tests done, I also now have an endocrinologist.

That stuff kind of sucks

I got a new therapist, she seems really great. Been chattin with her about things I've never talked to anyone about. She says I need to get out more, lol. No shit. Kind of hard when you can't drive, there's no public transportation and your family members have families of their own to look after. I've been writing fiction again, so she told me about a writers group that meets at the local library, if I can ever get over there. I had to take a taxi once to get my scripts from walgreens, cost me $15 for the 3 mile round trip. Now I'm scared to take them any more.

My credit score has improved, so I've been getting credit cards thrown at me. Yeah. Not. Good. I seem to be living on plastic now. I've discovered that the public aid system is setup so that you'll always be in it, there's no way out unless you win the lottery. Because my rent is subsidized, they've cut a huge chunk of my other benefits. They've taken enough to make up for my rent...and then a little bit more for good measure. They wanted make sure your negative $5 at the end of the month and not ahead $0.05. So now grocery shopping has to be strategicly planned down to the penny. I can only spend $200 every 6-8 weeks, anything over I have to use credit for. Yep, it'll catch up sooner or later, not much I can do about it.

The depression is kind of bad. I've counteracted it by giving up, seemed like th sane choice. Why keep banging your head against the wall? I had hoped on day, before I die, to own a house. Well, at least a condo type situation, but that's never going to happen. The hurdles I would have to jump.....not gonna happen. I sat down and figured it out, if everything went perfectly, I'd still have to just flat out win the lottery. First, there's the matter of a down payment, can't happen. Even if I could put away $10 a month, I'm not allowed to have more than $500 in savings.

I've also gotten unceremoniously shunned by a few members of the opposite sex lately. My sister went thru a rough patch in her marriage, so she joined a singles site and I joined in a show of support. Men find out I walk with a cane, have medical issues and they're out. Yeah, really deep creatures. I know it all sounds overwhelming, but I've been healthy for 2 years now. No issues with my liver, kidneys or immune system. I take meds a few times a day and everything is under control. Yeah and since we were talking via phone and text, They weren't nice about it. One even told me: "We get along really great, love your sense of humor and we're very compatible. But I don't do medical issues of any type. And the cane, just no. We can still talk on the phone every once in a while tho."  Like I said, they were about as deep as a paper plate and as socially correct as a 5 year old. Why do people (especially men) have to spread nastiness to their fellow human beings? Isn't there enough of that in the world already? A simple "not interested" would have been plenty. Hell, I don't message most guys back, I just ignore them most days. Makes having faith in humanity hard to do. But I refuse to let it destroy me and I refuse to let it make me bitter. I'm not going to join in on the spreading of nastiness, I'm too nice of a person. Nicer than them for damn sure.

So, as you can see, Things are at an interesting stage. Lots of things up in the air. And wow, I obviously want to talk. sorry for the rambling post, when I started it, it was just supposed to merely let people know I was still breathing, lol.

Me in all my glory, lol.
Ps: Adding a pic, a few people having messaged me about knowing who's talking. So here it is a 3am, freshly showered, no makeup (not that I wear it often), purple highlighted, messy haired selfie. Lol. Don't be judgy folks, we're all human here.



Tuesday, March 31, 2015

So many changes...

A lot has gone on since I was last here. I do apologize, but I won't make any more promises to be here every day. I will say I will try, that's the closest to a promise I can give.

So after years of waiting, I finally got subsidized housing. Yep. I moved in almost 2 months ago, in the middle of a snow storm. I still can't believe the hoops they make you jump thru. I even had to PROVE I didn't own a house (bf and I bought one in 2007, but I signed off of it before I left).

It's a much nicer apartment than I was in. Only problem is it's only 500 sq ft, my other was almost 650. Yeah, have had to do some creative organizing, lol.

The neighborhood is nice enough. Already met the neighbors. There's a garbage dumpster close enough that I can get to it with my cane. I'm on the bottom floor, so no stairs. And a huge bonus is I now have a washer/dryer IN the apartment. Yeah, they're used (think I'm the 4th owner) and the dryer doesn't work, but it's a lot easier. Oh, and I now have a dishwasher and garbage disposal, didn't have those before.

My kitchen is bigger, so I can enjoy cooking more. And the bathroom is HUGE compared to the last one.

I'm happy here. I can do as I please, without my dad visiting and trying to make things his way("IF I was you, I'd do......."). I love him, he means well, but he can be a bit pushy at times, lol.

Maybe I'll take some pics and post.


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Saturday, November 22, 2014

Trying out freezer cooking

Been looking for shortcuts and recipes online. I'm armed with a crock pot and a half-empty freezer.

I've had a lot of success with my crock pot. Though I learned pretty quickly, that I had to scale the recipes back a bit. I made meatloaf in it one day, and ended up eating meatloaf for four days. Note to self: you live alone, you only need a few servings.

Then I realized that I could start freezing some of the leftovers. Then I thought why not try putting meals together and freeze them, so all I had to do was throw them in the crockpot. It hasn't been a total disaster. I just forgot somewhere along the line, that I only have one of those tiny little icebox freezers. Making a months worth of meals, just won't fit in the freezer.

I got as far as some breakfast burritos, vegetable soup, and packets for green smoothies. That's when the freezer real estate ran out. Poor planning on my part. My intentions were good though. I was already prep and freeze a months worth of meals. That way I would have home cooking even on the days when I couldn't stand on my feet.

Oh well. This coming month I'll just have to plan a little bit better. Feel free to suggest any freezable recipes, I'm always looking. Especially for those that are simple, semi-vegetarian (I only eat red meat 1-2 times a month, but still eat chicken, seafood and dairy). I also can't have anything fried.

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Friday, November 21, 2014

Frustration

 Probably shouldn't talk about this here, but oh well.

I’m so frustrated with my little sister at this point, I have to avoid her. I just can’t be around her. I’m afraid I’ll try to knock some sense into her. You can’t help someone who is just so determined to make every mistake possible, did I forget to add the she’s letting her ex back around?

Yeah the guy that still has charges pending against him for beating her up. This is been going on for five months now. She avoids making decisions in her life, she's been caught lying to me, and lying to my dad. She doesn't manage her money, so she makes up lies to tell my dad, so he'll pay her rent. Last year alone, my dad paid eight out of 12 months of her rent. She's been caught lying about letting the EX live with her again also.

So then she decided to hook up with another guy, just because she needed someone to babysit her kids and pay some on the bills. A month after the guy moved in, she started bugging him, wanting to get pregnant. He said no. Rumor has it she's now pregnant anyway. Even though guy number two is now out of the picture also, he got sick of staying at his parents house every weekend just so she could have her other ex over. Yeah, you read that correctly.

And all this, after getting $3000 from my dad to pay for a lawyer. Because she and the first ex, decided to take each other to court over the child they share.

It really bothers me, because this is how my mother started acting, when her mental illness started setting in. And if that's the road my sister is headed down, this is just the beginning.

We've been encouraging her to get therapy. She finally started, but refuses to be open and honest with the therapist. I know from experience, that means the therapy will never help.

I'm at my wits end the situation. It's kept me so upset and stressed out, that my doctors have all gotten on me to distance myself from it. I hate to do it, but I have to. I have to try to keep myself from getting entangled in her mess.

I just don't know what to think, it's just exhausting.
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