Saturday, February 28, 2009

Some men irritate me

They really do. I’m so sick and tired of the “oh you’re a pretty girl. Let’s hook up” emails I keep getting.

And they think that these emails will get me to contact them back. Why?

They would get a lot further with “hey, how’s life? My name is xxx. I live in xxx. I enjoy xxx. I saw your site/blog/myspace and we have xxxx in common. Let’s talk”. That type of email would get them a lot further.

Not that I’m trying to meet men on the internet. I just like making friends online and I’m always open to meeting new people. I have lots of email friends.

I did have an “online romance” once with a really great guy, it lasted for 2 years (we emailed every day for 10 months before I would give him my phone number and at 15 months, I finally let him know where I live). But it didn’t work out and we’re still friends.

It just amazes me how many guys think they’ll drop you a message and you’ll hook up with them. Do woman actually do that? I mean if it’s your thing, so be it, to each their own. But it’s just not for me.

So, if you’re going to email me, keep a few things in mind.

#1- I DO NOT HOOK UP. So don’t waste your time.

#2- I DO like hearing from people and striking up friendships. But again, only expect a friendship and don’t hope for anything more.

#3- Have something to say. If you email me with “oh you’re a pretty girl” and nothing else, I will not reply.

Just had to get this off my chest. It’s really irritating to get those empty emails and messages.


Friday, February 27, 2009

Yes, this IS my life

**Warning: this post is a little personal. Talk of sex and toys. If this makes you uncomfortable, stop reading now.**

Ok, first a little background.

I’ve always been one of those uncomfortable people when it comes to sex. The rules: No one is permitted to see me naked and the lights are always off during sex. Yeah, I’ve always been a bit of a prude. I never went thru a promiscuous phase. And honestly, I was never really interested in sex.

Then I turned 32. When they say your hormones go into overdrive after 30, they aren’t kidding. At 32, mine went into super overdrive and have stayed there. I think about it all the time, just have no one to follow thru with. Ug.

My sister is a different story. She totally owns her sexuality. She enjoys a healthy relationship with her husband, has no problem with being naked or her body, and has no problem letting people know they use “toys”.

Now back to my story.

So, in honor of my newly single status, I’ve been trying to keep an open mind about things. I’m certainly not the type to pick up strange men in a bar or online. I don’t do the one nighter thing.

I was out with my sister the other day running errands. She then informed me that she needed to stop by the “adult toy store” because her favorite toy had broken (how the hell does that happen? Ahem). I had talked to her about getting a toy of my own, but I’m such a prude, I wanted to order something thru the mail. But I went in with her anyway.

I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. One of the clerks came over to help my sister, she quickly told them she was a repeat customer but that I needed helping. Ug. I have never used “uh, um, well, um, uh” so much in my life, lol.

I explained to her that I was a first timer. The clerk grabbed an item from the shelf, popped it out of the package, put batteries in it, and handed it to me. So, there I stood with this vibrator in my hand humming away. I thought I was going to die.

The clerk then informs me that it’s a perfect “first toy” and she has one at home. She even told me that it “gets to all the right spots”.

Ug. Vibrator shopping with my sister? What has my life become?

Not to mention, a week later, my sister was asking me if I had used “bob” and if I liked him.


Thursday, February 26, 2009

My wardrobe needs serious help

It really does. Being broke hasn’t helped it over the last 8 years.

My wardrobe consists of:

**3 pairs of blue jeans. 2 pairs are size 8, which is my size. And one pair that is size 12, I keep them just because I can’t afford to get rid of them.

**10 t-shirts. Most of which are 8+ years old. I really need to start throwing them away. A lot of the have holes in them, something my sister keeps pointing out. But if I throw them out, I have nothing else to wear, lol.

**3 good tops. These are shirts that only get worn 2-3 times a year. I don’t have many nice clothes, so I have to make these last as long as possible.

**3 pairs of sweats. These I wear around the house and as pjs.

**1 pair of short boots. I just recently bought these and absolutely love them. If I had a say so, I would wear nothing but boots all the time, year round. I love them in every style.

**1 pair of walking shoes. These are trashed. They’re suppose to be white, but because I wore them when I was working, they’re cover in grease and nastiness, making them now almost completely black. There are a few family members who won’t allow me to wear these into their houses (see pic). But they’re all I have.

That’s it. I don’t own any dresses or slacks. Hell, I don’t even own a curling iron, lol.

My wardrobe and I really need a make over.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Freaking Out

I talked to the woman about my housing. They started their program last April, so those leases will be up in April. I’ll have an apartment if someone decides not to renew their lease. So I have a chance, not much of one, but still a chance. Apartments are really expensive around here, so when you can get on that’s affordable, people have a tendency to hold on to it.

So, I’m really excited about getting my own place. My sister has some really strict rules. I’m not allowed to have friends over, especially any men. If I get a phone call, I have o tell her who it is and what they want. She looks over my shoulder when I’m on the computer. And if I try to say something about it, she reminds me that she could throw me out (it’s her rules or the highway). There’s been no fights, I follow the rules even though they make me feel like less and less of a person. I appreciate what my sister and her husband have done for me, I love and adore them both. I just can’t wait to be out of here so I can start living again.

Now, I’m excited that the finish line is in sight. Most people would be happy right? I am. But now I’m freaking out about other things.

I don’t have anything for an apartment. No furniture (couch, tables, etc), no silverware, dishes, shower curtains, curtains in general. No tv, phone, chairs. Hell, I don’t even own a bed (I currently sleep on a cheap futon, that’s falling apart). Not to mention no towels, sheets, lamps. Nothing.

Over the last few months, I’ve been hitting up people to see if they have anything I could have. My youngest sister said she has a Playstation 2 I can have (not that I need it, lol) and a small bedside table. The sister I live with says I can have a coffee table and a lamp. And that’s it.

So, I’ll have an apartment. But I’ll be sitting on the floor, eating with my hands, in silence in the dark while my neighbors walk by peering in at me.

But it’ll all be mine. ;)


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Caffeine is a drug

Oh yes, yes it is. And I’m a huge addicted.

For years, since I can remember, I’ve loved my diet soda. I can drink 2 to 3 2-liters a day, by myself. Not to mention my coffee and tea.

So recently the doctor suggested I cut it out. Well, actually STRONGLY suggested.

On 2/23, I quit, cold turkey.

It’s been a struggle. And I never really realized how addicted I was. I’ve been like a junkie. If I go to the gas station it’s hard to resist grabbing a bottle of diet soda.

I knew it was going to be hard, but not this hard. I’ve been spending a lot of time in bed detoxing. I’m exhausted, irritable, shaky, headaches, had an upset stomach. So I’ve just been sleeping a lot.

I’m days in, but it’s not any easier than day one. And I won’t be going back either. After 30 days of no caffeine, I will only be allowing myself 1-2 cans of soda a week. If I even do that. After going thru this hell, I’m not sure I want to chance becoming addicted again.

Hmmmm, I wonder if there are any Caffeine Addicts Anonymous groups around, lol. If not, there needs to be.

But when it’s all over, I’m healthier and that’s what counts most.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Who is this crazy lady?

Well, my name is Jen and I’ll be your tour guide for this interesting trip.

But first a bit about me.

I’m 36, single and have no children. In Oct 2008, I left a bad relationship with nothing more than what would fit in my car. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going. Currently, I’m living on the converted porch at my younger sister’s. It’s rough especially on the bitter cold nights (porch doesn’t have heat), but I get thru. And it’s a hell of a lot better than what I left behind.

I’m disabled, not something I like to talk about a lot. I’m on disability, which makes things rougher. The amount I get every month is about what the cheapest apartment in the highest crime area costs. Yeah, not fun. Not to mention my prescription and doctor costs every month, ug. So I’m currently waiting for low income housing (which I’m still not sure I’ll be able to afford), and it could be months.

My sister has given me until April to get out or she’ll throw me out. No, she’s not doing it to be mean or anything. When she agreed to let me stay here, it was for 6 months. I understand, she’s young, just got married. She shouldn’t have to be dealing with me and my issues. And she feels bad because of the housing arrangements. Honestly, I want to be out too. I want my own place and to feel like I have a life again.

Despite everything, I try to keep pretty upbeat. I know things will work out, just maybe not as fast as I would like, lol, but it’ll happen. There are times when I get down, but I really try not to stay there or let it destroy the work I’ve already done.

So that’s me in a nutshell. I hope you will all stick around and see how my story goes. I started this blog just to have a place to talk about my life, my thoughts and the world. I guess I think of it as my safe place to talk about anything I want to.

Thanks for reading.

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