Friday, March 20, 2009

Help, The way my mind works

I've talked to my doctors a lot about this and they ever say is "it's the anxiety disorder". So, let's see what everyone else thinks.

I forget things. Seriously. You can tell me something and then 3 minutes later, it's gone. No exaggeration here. Had a conversation with my sis the other day, maybe a 10 minute convo. At the end of the conversation, I couldn't remember the first thing she had told me, and she had told me not to forget, lol.

I explained this to the doctors and they said not to worry. That once the anxiety has been gotten under control, it'll happen less. But to be honest, I just don't see it happen.

At any minute of any day, my mind is thinking about 200 things. Like right now, I can't even be completely focused on this blog post. Oh, this is a good example. This is what's going thru my mind right now, I'll type it all out for one full minute:

i'm never going to get housing, is there a place i haven't called yet, can i get the housework done before sis gets home. will i ever be loveable. where am i going to be in 5 years. am i going to be able to get my car running. what will i wear to the wedding reception in may. am i going to go to the wedding reception. how do i started dating again. should i start. will i ever have friends. can i have the life i want. i haven't made a payment to xxx. i wonder when my dad is going to be back from florida. does my stuff suck that bad. will i have more sales in my store. i need to loose 40 pounds. should i stop taking my vitamin. if i work out to the dvd, will i have a heart attack. is my sis going to find me dead one morning from a heart attack.

Ok, so that was 2 minutes, I type kind of slow.

My doctors say I need to try to consciously slow down my thoughts and just not think about some things. This is REALLY easy to say, lol, but another thing entirely TO DO. When I try to slow things down, it seems to go into overdrive and spiral out of control.

And because my mind works like this, I don't have room in there for the things I'm suppose to remember. It can be really frustrating sometimes.

There are days where I'm non-functional because my brain is just cranking out things. I can't do anything because I'm so "foggy" and can't think straight. I can't eat, I don't shower. Hell, there's even been times I won't drive because the fog is so bad.

Believe it or not, I was an honors student in school. I love being in school and learning new things. In school, the thoughts actually seem to slow down. I never have a problem focusing. I miss school, lol. I tried going to college, my thoughts weren't a problem. The depression and social anxiety were, so I had to quit.

Any thoughts? Ideas? Any suggestions? Anyone out there who's gotten this type of thing under control? I'm desperate here.



Untreatableonline said...

Certain medication can lead to irrational thinking or forgetfulness. With anxiety disorders or other mental disorders you are not fully concentrating on what the other person is saying or what else is going on as part of your brain is trying to keep track of what is going on inside of your head. At least that is my theory. take care

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