Tuesday, July 21, 2009

More baby steps

Well, I've actually began doing some crafting again, mostly crochet, but I'm hoping to start clay again next month.

Also, 3 years ago, I signed up for 2 of those "learn at home" correspondences courses.
They were paid in full, then i quit doing them because of so many distractions. I thought the time had passed for me to complete them. Sooooo, I called the company and they said I could resume my courses. I nearly fell out in the floor.

At the time I signed up for these, it wasn't the idea that they would get me some great job. I started them because I decided I wanted to do something I thought would be fun, and they are. I just got a lot of flack about taking them.

I'm excited, I can't wait to get started again.


Friday, July 17, 2009

Baby steps to a better future

I've just felt a lot of stress lately, which hasn't been helping me at all (resulted in a cutting incident).

So now I'm trying to figure out what I can do and how to do it.

Next week, I will be applying for a pro-bono bankruptcy lawyer. I was scared to file, but my credit rating can't get any worse than it already is.

This will help take care of credit card bills and medical bills that have stacked up. At one point in time the ex and I were living on credit cards in my name, and I have a few from when I was younger that need to be taken care of.

It'll do a lot to relieve the stress and help me sleep better at night. And after talking to them on the phone this morning, the day seems a bit brighter (even tho it's cold and cloudy).

Of course I still need to deal with my student loans (which you can't file bankruptcy on). But one baby step at a time.

I'll get there.


Friday, July 10, 2009

I need to start caring for me

That was the whole idea of having my own place. I have to admit, I'm not real good at the whole self-care thing
I'm allergic to curling irons. Hell, I just learned how to use a hair dryer. I've been wearing my make up the same since I was a teen. I have NO idea how to pick out clothes, I usually wear a t-shirt and jeans. I'm not girly at all.

It kind of sucks, being the freak.

My therapist always says that caring for me should be first and foremost. I have no idea how to live that way, I've never been like that.

How do you quit letting yourself be so wrapped up in the problems and lives of the people you love?

I understand what she's saying, that I need to take care of me first. After all, if I don't who will?

I just don't seem to be very good at it. I always plan on doing my nails or coloring my hair or putting on make up just because. Then I get side tracked and sucked into what's going on with other people that I just forget about myself.

And it just feeds the depression. But I can't seem to stop. People just keep sucking the energy out of me.



Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Thanks to my new advertisers

I don't do this often, but it needs to be done.

I just want to thank all of the new readers and advertisers that have shown their support in the last 2-3 weeks. You all really know how to make a gal feel popular, lol. Wow, by the messages I've been getting, y'all are a infantry batalion strong (I looked it up on Wiki, wow). Thank you so much for the show of support. Y'all help keep me going on my darkest days and let me know I'm not alone and there are people who understand.

As I said, I won't mention names unless you say it's ok (so message me already will ya, lol). I have a link list waiting to be filled on this blog.

NOTE: Because of the nature of this blog, I don't just automatically add people to the link list. I don't want anyone getting any flack because of me. So if you don't mind people knowing that you publicly support this crazy lady, just let me know. I don't mind sharing link love to those who need it (it's a great way to improve search rankings).


Yep, and there's a ton of them. Which means, I'm not dealing too well. It's always a crap shoot with me. Sometimes I do ok, others...not so much.
First my computer crapped out. I now have a new one, but my dad won't tell me what I'm paying his friend for it.

Then, I realized that I'm going to have to replace almost all of my claying supplies. That sucks.

Then there's been other things, but I just don't wanna talk about it right now.

On the good side of things......

I'm sooooo enjoying having my own space. It feels so good.

I can be me again. I get treated like an adult here, which totally blows my mind, it's been so long. I can have people over, people stay over, stay on the computer for 14 hours if I want to. I'm so enjoying myself.

My 2 year old niece and my sister moved in. Her shitty ass boyfriend kicked them out. That's right, he kicked out a 20 year old woman (who only works part time because that's what HE wanted) and her 2 year old daughter in the middle of the night. If it wouldn't start crap, I'd post his full name, address and phone number so everyone could let him know what an ASS he is.

Ahem, so anyways, I'm getting to spend tons of time with my niece. She so smart and so happy. I didn't get to be around her much before, so I'm thankful to be making up for that.

I'm dating. Yeah, let me repeat that, I'm dating. Never thought that would happen. He's a really great guy and I can't believe how great we get along. We can talk about anything. He's really nice to me, which I of course have no clue how to deal with, lol. But he's wondeful, I absolutely adore him. I just wish I could get past the "waiting for it to blow up" thing. It's something I go thru when ever I get close to someone. *long sigh*

Well, I'm gonna cut this short. It's 3am and I really should be in bed.

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