Saturday, September 5, 2009

I hate meds, I really do

I've always thought that I would take meds, they would help clear my mind enough for me to retrain my brain, so I would no longer need them.

But it has become more and more apparent that I may never be without the meds.

My current Pyschiatrist has brought this to light. He has flat out told me that I will need medication the rest of my life, there's no getting around it.

I've been depressed, suicidal, self injuring for the last 20 years. I've been in treatment on and off in that time period. He says that since this has been going on so long, that I will need to be on medication the rest of my life.

This is a bit of a blow to me. The only reason I even started taking meds was because I thought I could take them, they would help me enough to change my thinking and deal with my issues. I thought they wouldn't be necessary after I was able to change my thinking.

Now, I realize he's right. I will probably need them for a long time, if we can find one that helps me (which hasn't happened yet).

It really bothers me. I hate the idea of depending on meds to make me normal (not that I like being normal, lol). But it would be nice to have friends and maybe date again (not that I'm really anxious to date). It would be nice to have real life people to talk to.....hang out with....who understood.

Yuck. Welcome to my life.

I HATE the idea of being medicated the rest of my life. It ain't gonna happen. I can't stand to even think about it, there has to be a better way.



Patrice of Shepherd Creations said...

Jen, be strong, it's not fair, but our brains don't all produce the proper chemicals to get us to "normal". Email me if you ever need a virtual shoulder :)

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