Thursday, October 17, 2013

the beginning of my issues....

They seem to be piling up right now. I'll try to start from the beginning and run thru them without sounding like a total psychopath.

I suffer from anxiety and severe depression, I have since my early teens. It's a bitch. Meds have never given much relief. I just grin and attempt to bear it. Tho the anxiety makes it hard and easy at the same time.

My anxiety keeps me isolated. I HATE leaving my apartment and avoid it at all costs (you can at least count on me to always be home). But it has also prevented me from finishing college or having any kind of career. I plan outside activities to be quick. I know when the local store is busiest and avoid it. Being around crowds and strangers causes panic attacks. So it's nicer to stick around home, less stressful.

My doctor use to refer to me physically as "healthy as a horse" even tho I ate horribly and never exercised. Then December 2012 came, I got the flu that turned into pneumonia, so I visited the doctor. She prescribed antibiotics and taking it easy. On the way out of the office, she decided to take a blood test because I looked bloated. I didn't think it was a big deal, it was Friday and I was about to turn 40 that Sunday. The weekend went off with out a hitch. Spent a quiet nite on my bday, didn't even give a thought to the blood test.

Then my phone rang early Monday morning, with my doc telling me to go immediately to the hospital, they were expecting me. I argued a little, just thinking she was blowing things out of whack. Then she informed me that something was wrong with my liver.

So the adventure began.

I was admitted in full blown liver failure, hitting me off guard. After all, I couldn't think of any reason for it happening.

I have a set of posts to explain my adventures in hospital land (to follow). It has been definitely different, not fun.

As of this writing, we're still trying to figure out what's going on with. I'm still unable to drive or stand for long, my 4 prong cane has become my new bestie, my walker has retired.

I live alone and do all right. Tho i have to do things differently than before. I climb stairs one at a time. Can only take out small shopping bags of garbage (read: daily trip to dumpster). Have to strategically plan my monthly shopping trip. Cuz if I run out....I'm out til the next month unless I can talk my sister into making another trip.

We're still going thru tests and brainstorming diagnosis, but haven't found anything yet. My doctors say we might not. I may not get a concrete reason why i got sick, am sick, or how to fix it. In the meantime, all we can do is keep treating the symptoms in an effort to keep my body going.


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