Friday, June 19, 2015

Livin La Vida something

Still enjoying the new apartment. For the first time like ever, I've been getting out a little and going for walks.  Oh, did I forget to mention that I'm behind a big Imax theater? Yep. Would like to use it as enticement to get outside, but that doesn't work well since going to the movies is expensive. I did manage to go see the Entourage movie, LOVED it. Then again I was a big fan of the series.

Not really a lot going on.

I have until November to lose 60+ pounds or my doc is going to stop my pain meds. I'm at a weight right now, that it's beginning to impede my mobility. Been watching everything I eat, trying to exercise more and now currently have.......GAINED 10 pounds. Yeah, not good. The weight just won't go away and I'm now having bouts of hypoglycemia. I get to go play pin cushion so I can get a bunch of tests done, I also now have an endocrinologist.

That stuff kind of sucks

I got a new therapist, she seems really great. Been chattin with her about things I've never talked to anyone about. She says I need to get out more, lol. No shit. Kind of hard when you can't drive, there's no public transportation and your family members have families of their own to look after. I've been writing fiction again, so she told me about a writers group that meets at the local library, if I can ever get over there. I had to take a taxi once to get my scripts from walgreens, cost me $15 for the 3 mile round trip. Now I'm scared to take them any more.

My credit score has improved, so I've been getting credit cards thrown at me. Yeah. Not. Good. I seem to be living on plastic now. I've discovered that the public aid system is setup so that you'll always be in it, there's no way out unless you win the lottery. Because my rent is subsidized, they've cut a huge chunk of my other benefits. They've taken enough to make up for my rent...and then a little bit more for good measure. They wanted make sure your negative $5 at the end of the month and not ahead $0.05. So now grocery shopping has to be strategicly planned down to the penny. I can only spend $200 every 6-8 weeks, anything over I have to use credit for. Yep, it'll catch up sooner or later, not much I can do about it.

The depression is kind of bad. I've counteracted it by giving up, seemed like th sane choice. Why keep banging your head against the wall? I had hoped on day, before I die, to own a house. Well, at least a condo type situation, but that's never going to happen. The hurdles I would have to jump.....not gonna happen. I sat down and figured it out, if everything went perfectly, I'd still have to just flat out win the lottery. First, there's the matter of a down payment, can't happen. Even if I could put away $10 a month, I'm not allowed to have more than $500 in savings.

I've also gotten unceremoniously shunned by a few members of the opposite sex lately. My sister went thru a rough patch in her marriage, so she joined a singles site and I joined in a show of support. Men find out I walk with a cane, have medical issues and they're out. Yeah, really deep creatures. I know it all sounds overwhelming, but I've been healthy for 2 years now. No issues with my liver, kidneys or immune system. I take meds a few times a day and everything is under control. Yeah and since we were talking via phone and text, They weren't nice about it. One even told me: "We get along really great, love your sense of humor and we're very compatible. But I don't do medical issues of any type. And the cane, just no. We can still talk on the phone every once in a while tho."  Like I said, they were about as deep as a paper plate and as socially correct as a 5 year old. Why do people (especially men) have to spread nastiness to their fellow human beings? Isn't there enough of that in the world already? A simple "not interested" would have been plenty. Hell, I don't message most guys back, I just ignore them most days. Makes having faith in humanity hard to do. But I refuse to let it destroy me and I refuse to let it make me bitter. I'm not going to join in on the spreading of nastiness, I'm too nice of a person. Nicer than them for damn sure.

So, as you can see, Things are at an interesting stage. Lots of things up in the air. And wow, I obviously want to talk. sorry for the rambling post, when I started it, it was just supposed to merely let people know I was still breathing, lol.

Me in all my glory, lol.
Ps: Adding a pic, a few people having messaged me about knowing who's talking. So here it is a 3am, freshly showered, no makeup (not that I wear it often), purple highlighted, messy haired selfie. Lol. Don't be judgy folks, we're all human here.


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